Like I Always Do

I let you down

like I always do—

at least that’s the story

I keep telling myself

every time someone looks at me

with disappointment

I saw coming long before they did.

Maybe I’m too much.

Too distant

when things get real.

Too damaged

to hold anything good

without shaking.

I try—

God, I try.

But somewhere between

wanting to be better

and actually becoming it,

I keep falling back

into the same patterns.

The same silence.

The same mistakes.

The same version of me

I swore I’d outgrow by now.

And the worst part is—

I see it happening

while it’s happening.

Like watching a car crash

from inside the driver’s seat

with no idea

how to stop it in time.

So when you pull away,

when your voice changes,

when I feel the distance growing—

part of me thinks

of course.

Of course I ruined it.

Of course I became

exactly what I was afraid of being.

But maybe

I’m not impossible to love.

Maybe I’m just someone

still learning

how to stop expecting abandonment

before it even arrives.

Maybe I’m not letting everyone down—

maybe I’m just exhausted

from believing

I always will.