Tag: staying alive

  • Stay

    Some nights

    the world gets too loud

    inside your head—

    every thought

    echoing,

    every memory

    sharper than it should be.

    And there’s a door there—

    not a real one,

    but close enough

    to feel like an option.

    It whispers easy answers.

    Shortcuts.

    Silence.

    And for a moment—

    just a moment—

    it feels like relief.

    But there’s another voice too.

    Quieter.

    Not convincing.

    Not strong.

    Just there.

    The one that says

    wait.

    Not forever.

    Not fix everything.

    Just—

    stay.

    Stay through this hour.

    Through this breath.

    Through the part

    that feels unbearable

    right now.

    Because feelings lie

    about how long they last.

    Because the version of you

    that made it this far

    didn’t do it

    by accident.

    Because even now—

    with everything heavy,

    everything blurred—

    you are still here.

    And that matters

    more than anything

    the dark is trying

    to tell you.

    So don’t decide tonight.

    Don’t close the door

    on something

    that might still change.

    Just stay.

  • Not Forever

    I don’t want

    forever

    to come in an orange bottle.

    Don’t want my mornings

    measured in milligrams,

    my stability

    scheduled between refills,

    my future

    printed in tiny pharmacy text

    I can barely read.

    I know what they say—

    that this is help,

    that this is balance,

    that this is how I stay

    safe

    and here.

    And part of me

    is grateful.

    Because I remember

    what life felt like

    before the quiet

    was possible.

    But another part of me

    keeps whispering:

    Is this the only way?

    Will I ever stand

    without the scaffolding?

    Will healing ever mean

    freedom instead of maintenance?

    I don’t want to fight

    the people trying to help me.

    I don’t want to romanticize

    the chaos I survived.

    I just want to believe

    there is a version of living

    where my body

    knows how to be steady

    on its own.

    Where peace

    isn’t borrowed.

    Where calm

    isn’t counted.

    Where staying alive

    doesn’t feel like

    a prescription.

    Maybe forever

    isn’t the point.

    Maybe the point

    is staying

    long enough

    to grow into someone

    who has choices

    I can’t see yet.

    So for now

    I hold two truths

    at the same time—

    I don’t want this

    to be forever.

    And I still want

    to be here

    long enough

    to find out

    what isn’t.