Through the Fog

Tag: peace

  • Getting Clean

    The hardest part of getting clean

    isn’t the cravings.

    It’s the apologies.

    The ones you owe

    to people who loved you

    while you were slowly vanishing.

    The ones you owe

    to past versions of yourself

    you barely recognize anymore.

    It’s learning how to say

    “I’m sorry”

    and not expect relief in return.

    Learning how to say

    “I’m trying”

    when trust still feels fragile

    and unfinished.

    Some apologies are met with grace.

    Some are met with silence.

    Some come back years later

    in quiet moments

    when you finally understand

    the weight of what was broken.

    Getting clean means standing there—

    in the middle of what you ruined—

    with nothing to hide behind.

    Knowing regret can’t undo damage,

    it can only mean you see it now.

    And maybe the bravest apology

    isn’t words at all,

    but staying.

    Doing better.

    Letting time believe you

    before anyone else does.

  • I’ve been waiting all night

    Not pacing.

    Not counting the hours.

    Just staying awake

    in that quiet way

    where hope doesn’t make noise.

    Waiting like you wait for a light to turn on

    in a room you know by heart.

    Waiting because some part of me believed

    you’d come back to this moment,

    to this breath,

    to me saying it out loud.

    I’ve been waiting all night—

    not because I had nothing else,

    but because this mattered.

  • Change

    I want to change everything—

    not out of hate for who I was,

    but out of love for who

    I’m finally brave enough

    to become.

    I’m tired of surviving days

    that were meant to be lived.

    Tired of shrinking myself

    to fit places that never felt like home.

    So I’ll start small—

    a thought, a boundary, a choice.

    And one by one,

    the life I’ve been carrying

    will learn how to let me go.

    I don’t need to burn it all down.

    I just need to stop building

    on what was breaking me.

  • Learning to Stay

    I used to look for myself

    in other people’s hands,

    measure my worth

    by how tightly they held on.

    But I am learning—

    slowly, unevenly—

    how to stay

    when the room gets quiet,

    how to sit with my own heart

    without asking it to be smaller.

    I speak to myself now

    the way I once begged others to.

    Gently.

    With patience.

    With the understanding

    that healing isn’t linear

    and neither am I.

    I forgive the versions of me

    that didn’t know better,

    that chose survival over softness,

    that loved fiercely

    without knowing how to be safe.

    I am not perfect,

    but I am present.

    And today,

    that is enough.

    I am learning to be someone

    I don’t have to run from—

    someone I can come home to

    and rest.

  • Trying to Outrun Myself

    Every time I try to outrun myself,

    my feet lock to the floor.

    The harder I push forward,

    the heavier my body feels,

    like something inside me

    is begging to be faced

    instead of escaped.

    I picture the other side

    peace, clarity, a version of me

    that doesn’t flinch at her own thoughts.

    But the distance feels endless,

    like I was dropped in the middle of nowhere

    with no map

    and a heart already tired.

    I tell myself to move.

    Just one step.

    Just breathe.

    But my mind is louder than my legs,

    and every fear I’ve ever buried

    comes sprinting past me,

    reminding me I can’t outrun

    what knows my name.

    I’ve tried speed.

    I’ve tried numbness.

    I’ve tried pretending I’m fine

    because it looks easier

    than explaining the war inside my chest.

    Still, I stay stuck

    watching life rush by

    like I missed my cue to jump in.

    Some days it feels like

    I’ll never make it to the other side,

    like forward is a language

    I never learned how to speak.

    Like everyone else is crossing bridges

    I can’t even see.

    But maybe this stillness

    isn’t failure.

    Maybe it’s my body refusing

    to abandon itself again.

    Maybe the other side

    isn’t somewhere I run to

    maybe it’s something I build

    right here,

    piece by fragile piece.

    I don’t know how to get there yet.

    I only know I’m still here,

    still breathing,

    still wanting more than survival.

    And maybe that means

    I haven’t stopped moving at all—

    I’ve just been learning

    how to turn around

    and finally walk with myself

    instead of away.

  • Lessons

    Everyone you meet

    has something to teach you—

    even the ones who stay a moment,

    even the ones who leave too soon.

    Some will show you kindness,

    soft as sunlight on tired skin.

    Some will show you strength,

    quiet and unspoken,

    the kind born from surviving.

    Others will show you pain—

    not to break you,

    but to uncover the places

    you still need to heal.

    Some will teach you patience,

    some will teach you boundaries,

    and a few rare souls

    will teach you love

    in a way you never knew existed.

    Every person is a chapter,

    every encounter a line—

    and whether you keep them

    or let them go,

    they shape you

    in ways you won’t see

    until later.

    Everyone you meet

    has something to teach you—

    and sometimes

    the lesson

    is simply

    who you’re becoming.

  • What I’d Leave Behind

    I would paint the walls

    with every beautiful thing I am

    and every terrible thing I’ve ever been —

    layered thick,

    no clean lines,

    no apology for the mess.

    Joy smeared beside regret,

    love dripping into shame,

    gold pressed hard

    against the bruised colors

    no one likes to look at too long.

    I wouldn’t fix the edges.

    I wouldn’t soften the truth.

    There would be laughter

    caught mid-breath,

    and grief so old

    it’s learned how to sit quietly.

    There would be nights

    I survived out of spite,

    and mornings

    I stayed for no good reason at all.

    It wouldn’t be pretty.

    It would be mine.

    A room that says:

    this person felt deeply,

    broke often,

    kept going anyway.

    A testament to contradictions —

    light bleeding into dark,

    dark refusing to erase the light.

    If anyone stood there long enough,

    they’d see it wasn’t destruction

    I was trying to leave behind —

    it was proof.

    Proof that I was here.

    That I contained multitudes.

    That even the terrible things

    never managed

    to erase the beautiful ones.

  • The Weight of the Wrong Place

    The universe will never give you peace

    in something you were never meant to settle in.

    It’s why the wrong places feel heavy,

    why the wrong people feel loud,

    why your chest tightens

    every time you try to force yourself

    into a life that doesn’t fit.

    Discomfort is direction.

    Restlessness is truth.

    That ache you feel?

    It’s your soul refusing to shrink

    just to make a moment feel easier.

    You weren’t created for a half-life,

    for almost-right,

    for good enough.

    The universe isn’t punishing you —

    it’s pulling you out.

    It’s nudging you forward.

    It’s reminding you that peace

    isn’t found in settling,

    it’s found in becoming.

  • In the Early Hours of Morning

    Photo Credit-Daniil Onischenko

    In the early hours of morning,

    when the world is barely awake

    and the sky is holding its breath,

    I find a quiet I can’t touch

    at any other time of day.

    The air feels softer then—

    like it knows my name,

    like it recognizes the weight

    I carried through the night.

    Streetlights hum their sleepy glow,

    and shadows stretch long and gentle,

    not to scare me,

    but to remind me I’m not alone.

    My thoughts move slower,

    unrushed, unjudged,

    wandering the dim edges of dawn

    where everything feels honest.

    In the early hours of morning,

    I’m not trying to be anything—

    not brave, not healed,

    not whole.

    I’m just a heartbeat

    listening to the world exhale,

    waiting for the sun

    to rise over the parts of me

    I’m still learning to love.

  • Blue Skies

    You can always find me where the skies are blue.

    Where the world feels a little lighter,

    where the weight on my chest loosens its grip

    just long enough for me to breathe like I used to.

    I go where the quiet lives.

    Where the sun breaks through the clouds

    and warms the parts of me I keep hidden.

    Where the wind carries my worries

    a little farther than I can reach.

    If I disappear,

    I’m not running—

    I’m just searching

    for the version of myself

    that doesn’t hurt so much.

    So if you’re looking for me,

    look where the skies open wide,

    where the world feels kind,

    where the color returns to my soul.

    That’s where I go

    when I need to remember

    that I’m still capable

    of something brighter

    than the storms I’ve survived.